*+[{ [[[ I wantt himm deadd ... ...
some jokes from irc i found online.. haha..
[Mikkel] If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
[Celestya] i dont think so
[Mikkel] Wanna go camping?
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE
[Sigurd] a sprite is anything not static
[SRElysian] a sprite is a variable object
[SRElysian] be it 2d or 3d
[TorMuck] a sprite is a fucking soda
[TorMuck] you god damn geekass bastards
[MortalKombat] stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
[@Acaila] FINISH HIM
[mat|t] rofl
[MortalKombat] omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
[@Acaila] FATALITY!
Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness?
AvatarOfSolusek: no
AvatarOfSolusek: well
AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness
Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs
AvatarOfSolusek: lol
Jakefeb3: now i have a plan
Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable
[Quake-Hat] brad, your mom is fine as shit
[Quake-Hat] i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
[bad_brad] brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
[Quake-Hat] Jesus-fucking christ!!!
[cassius_clay13] so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
[cassius_clay13] well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
[cassius_clay13] so i helped him walk to the toilet
[cassius_clay13] all the stalls were occupied
[emoti_conartist] lol
[cassius_clay13] bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
[cassius_clay13] so he FUCKing KICKS one of the stall doors open
[cassius_clay13] and there's this guy in there taking a shit
[emoti_conartist] hahahahahaha
[cassius_clay13] and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
[cassius_clay13] then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
[cassius_clay13] so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
[cassius_clay13] and runs away
[cassius_clay13] imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER
[Ich] I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
[Ich] I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
[Ich] and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
[Ich] and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
[Ich] and I actually laughed out loud
[Raize] can you guys see what I type?
[vecna] no, raize
[Raize] How do I set it up so you can see it?
gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted
[ikkenai] i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers
[BlackDeth] i like stalked this girl sorta
[BlackDeth] like once she asked me for a ride home from work
[BlackDeth] and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
[BlackDeth] and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?
[blazemore] LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
[FlipTopBx] is it modded?
[+kritical] christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
[+Christin1] how do i do that
[reuben] somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
[reuben] i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
[cristobal] why don't you put ice on the stairs
[cristobal] and heat up the door knob
[cristobal] and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
[cristobal] then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....
[drmason] there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
[drmason] ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
[drmason] so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
[drmason] alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
[drmason] I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like"
[drmason] and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial
[Kazz] Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
[Zaratustra] a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
[Zaratustra] like a network card without the appropriate driver.
[Kazz] Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
[Sharkey] And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.
[blazemore] omg i love this song
[blazemore] Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
[Javi] blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song
[Nori123] You don't know jack shit
[VioletSky] That's not true, I know him well
[Nori123] Haha
[VioletSky] I'm serious
[VioletSky] Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
[VioletSky] Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
[VioletSky] However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
[VioletSky] She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
[VioletSky] Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
[VioletSky]>The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
[VioletSky] Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
[VioletSky] So there.
[FiPo] LOL
[Nori123] I have actually chortled coke through my nose
[green] We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
[Frank] How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants
[samsim] I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
[samsim] and got mauled
[samsim] and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
[samsim] a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
[samsim] for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
* Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
* Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk )
[@ShowDowN] that is sick
[@ShowDowN] we should ban him next time he comes in
[@nekro] yeah, who the hell goes for walks
[Toller] hey jaimer
[jaimer] hey
[Toller] i loves you sweet ass, baby
[jaimer] excuse me?
[Toller] we gonna get together an fuck tonight
[Toller] right?
[jaimer] You stupid shit
[Toller] ?
[Toller] What?
[jaimer] This is toby johnson, right
[Toller] you know it is, duh.
[jaimer] I'm doing tech support on Jamie's computer
[jaimer] I'm her father, you little shit
[Toller] hah!
[Toller] what's
[Toller] your joking right/
[jaimer] I am. I know where you live. I'm coming over to your house now. Don't try to run, I'll find you.
[Toller] Jamie, it's not funny
[Toller] Jaime?
[psmylie] You're screwed, dude. Her dad's psycho
[Toller] fuck
[Toller] FUCK!
[psmylie] best run, boy
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[psmylie] You're an evil bitch, Jamie.
[jaimer] lol
[psmylie] brilliant... but evil
[jaimer] he's an asshole anyways
mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them
Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.
[tumult] well that was like the coolest class period i've ever had
[lasombra] tumult ?
[tumult] this kid asks me for a dollar so he can get something from a vending machine
[tumult] i tell him i don't have one (truth)
[tumult] he says bullshit
[tumult] i tell him to piss off
[tumult] he stands up and punches me in the face three times
[tumult] sits back down
[tumult] teacher doesn't notice/care
[tumult] so blood is pouring out onto my desk
[tumult] from my lip
[tumult] i turn to the girl next to me and say
[tumult] "hey, can i use one of the tissues jammed into your bra?"
[zyko^] what did she do?
[tumult] punched me in the face
[Tsk] oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
[Tsk] sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.
***********
[Tarrier] how
[Casey8] fell while climbing in South Africa or something
[JennAway] that's sad
[Bubbaprog] i guess there is a mountain high enough*********
[beser] Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff.
[beser] Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice".
[beser] So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this damn door, did some damn Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes
[@AntiHeiss] friend of mine went to jail last night
[@AntiHeiss] he probably isn't getting out for a while
[%The_Coolest] y?
[+Enyo] why?
[%The_Coolest]
[@AntiHeiss] it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
[@AntiHeiss] she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'
[evilada]: Best suicide plan ever
[mcm310]: what is it?
[evilada]: you go up to the top of a roof
[evilada]: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
[evilada]: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
[evilada]: then you put super glue on your hands
[evilada]: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
[evilada]: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
[evilada]: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
[evilada]: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
[mcm310]: i dont think i can be your friend anymore
[Tedward] so there's this pimp right. he's collecting money from his three ho's.
[Tedward] he goes to the first ho and asks for his $100. she says, "But I only owe you $50!"
[Tedward] he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
[Tedward] he asks the next ho for $150. she says, "But I only owe you $100!"
[Tedward] he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
[Tedward] now he goes to his third ho.
[Tedward] he asks for $200. "but I only owe you $150!"
[Tedward] he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
[Tedward] next he visits the fourth ho.
[Tedward] he asks her for his $250.
[Thy_Dungeonman] hold on, wait a sec
[Tedward] what?
[Thy_Dungeonman] you said three ho's, not four. idioth.
*Tedward slaps Thy_Dungeonman
[Tedward] Don't correct me, bitch.
[splosh123] Just a question if anyone knows... How many wind power mill things do you need to power... say... Brisbane
[dazzawul] thousands
[dazzawul] and they will be noisy
[dazzawul] and push australia to the west
[ZombieKing] best way to get rid of a client with dial-up, told them to install service pack 2 and call back
[ComputerNap] if you burn something at a lower speed, it doesn't read slower, does it?
[nyk] i need a floppy disc, anyone know where I can get one this late?
[Vulcan] walmart maybe, its open 24 hours.
[Jordan_M] i know some mexicans that are hardcore tech guys that could get you a floppy disc
[nyk] so you both say walmart?
[Ninja_P] Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then drink it again
[DragonAtma] Congratulations, you now know how congress operates.
[BeaVer] why does my wife have to work nights
[BeaVer] :/
[broken] because the milkman's wife works days
[BeaVer] true
[BeaVer] but all the strippers work at night as well
[broken] hence the balance in the universe
[sd] I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account would never be absolutely secure.
[sd] Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the system, he can just get it from you."
[sd] Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
[sd] Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in. He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your password. What would you do?"
[sd] Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
[sd] To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no longer use that example.
[fabz] I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
[atsleek] lol
[Nefemus] what?
#6460 (1847/3805)
[studdud] what the fuck is wtf
[@manero] this song sounds like a fucking fire alarm
[@manero] BEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
[@manero] oh shit
[@manero] IT IS THE FIRE ALARM
[@manero] hahah fuck me bbrk
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[pigeon-mirk] davey made that avatar for me, i am eternally in his bed
[pigeon-mirk] debt
[pigeon-mirk] DEBT!
:: I WiSh tO WrItE mY OwN NaMe iN ::